I just felt like writing my current thoughts and life situation down.
If you follow me on instagram, you may have noticed that I took a break on there. I felt such a pressure to post. I needed to post at least a picture every day, I needed to follow a lot of people. I needed to comment a lot so that people would notice my account.
I started thinking in captions. Instead of feeling my feelings I would immediately think about a cool text I could write about that. Instead of really looking at a sunset with my mom and sisters, I would take a picture for instastories.
I wanted hundreds of thousands of followers, I thought that maybe then, my life would be perfect, and that maybe then, I would love myself completely. But that is NOT true. If you don't love yourself or if your life sucks with 100 followers, it will be the EXACT same with 100k.
So, that's why I decided to delete instagram from my phone for a little while, and it lasted nine days. Today, I posted a picture again. But something has changed.
I won't post every day anymore. I will post a picture when I FEEL like posting a picture. I will not let my food cool down or my nicecream melt for the sake of a PICTURE. Do you realize how many people do that but also how ridiculous it is? I used to do that. I don't want it anymore.
Also. I will not scroll to my feed to see every picture and I will stop commenting on all the pics I see. I believe that if people love me/my account/what I do, they will find me anyways.
I love to connect to likeminded people but I don't care about this little number on the screen of my phone anymore (aka followers). And that feels kind of frickin' good.
I went to a big secondhand sale last week and I bought so many amazing stuff for so so little money, and also it's better for the environment (why buy new clothes when others throw their stuff away?) and nobody was underpaid or mistreated for me. Win-win situation <3
So I filmed a little vlog for my youtube there and I am busy filming a lookbook thingy, I will combine these two in one video, so stay tuned for that!
I am more into Pinterest lately, in these nine days I loved it way more than IG and I guess that's because I have no obligation, I can just get free inspo :) Of course, with Instagram I have no obligation either, but I just set myself one. But that's the past. It's not like that anymore.
Thanks to pinterest I discovered the grunge style that i really love now and also I got so much inspiration for my room, for art, for fashion, for quotes, etc.
So on monday and tuesday I went away with school for two days. I first didn't wanna go because I don't have that much (real) friends in my year and I was scared of being alone. My best friends are younger than me or live far away. I went anyways, thanks to the advice of my best friend and mom. I am happy I went, I got to know better a new girl in my class. I went on a walk with some classmates + my fave teachers and petted a pony. I meditated in the morning sunlight and chilled in hammocks. It was also good for my selfconfidence. One activity that we did was that everybody got little cards with characteristics on it such as "happy", "selfish", "optimistic" and more, and we had to give them to people that we linked that characteristic with. Some people got one card or a lot of negative cards, and I got these five:
- zorgzaam (careful, caring, tender)
- sportief (sportive)
- inlevingsvermogen (empathy)
- creatief (creative)
- respectvol (respectful)
Like, that's so sweet! If I wouldn't have gone, I would have never got these cards and I wouldn't have known that my classmates love me more than I give myself credit for.
Moral of the story: Get out of your comfort zone!
Moral of the story 2.0: You are (way) more loved than you think. Trust me.
Also, a few days ago, there was the most pretty sunset EVER and I took tons of pics of it with my sisters and pics of my sisters and they came out incredibly beautiful but it was on the camera of my granddad (I left mine at home) so I took the memory card at home with me but I can't see that on my camera?! It's so weird and I really hope I'll find them soon because they were like, THE PRETTIEST.
A few days ago, I decided something. Why would I tell everybody to love themselves but then don't apply it to myself? Doesn't make any sense, I know. So I just decided: I love myself. I am not insecure. I am enough. I am beautiful. So now whenever I think negative thoughts about myself, I start defensing myself in my head (like how you would defense your best friend) and I turn my thoughts around. I just decided to radically start love myself. Feels good. I recommend you to do the same.
And last but not least, I really love to do lists lately. I just love having a little plan for the day to give myself some structure and to make my head clear.
This is my to do list for today, for example:
- Go to school (check)
- Write this blogpost (almost check)
- Go to the library (I need to get a book for school and also I just love reading)
- Clean my room
- Search the pictures of the sunset (internet please help me)
- Go to dance class (jazz & modern <3)
- Shower
- Pack my stuff for tomorrow
- Read
- Sleep
Woah, it felt good to write all that down. It became way longer than I expected so if you came this far, thank you for reading.
i love you.
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